A stupid thing called love
by Mr Nuked Duck
Summary: They were an odd couple to say the least, and Gaz had never been one for touchy-feely stuff. But what else were you supposed to do when you're married to an over-sensitive Invader with an ego bigger than the sun? /Now unrelated ZAGR-oneshots. Please enjoy!
1. Comfort

**Just had to get this out of my head. Enjoy!**

* * *

''Hey, Zim, have you seen my GS4 anywhere?'' Gaz asked as she entered the kitchen, bitterly tapping away at her 'Game Slave 3' as a temporary replacement for the missing update. ''I left it on the couch and now I can't find it! You don't suppose _Gir_ snatched it up again, do you?''

Waiting, but receiving no answer to her question, the goth-looking twenty-two-year-old eventually clicked pause and looked up from her portable gaming-device, scanning the room for her missing husband. He really wasn't that hard to spot – and even easier to _hear_ – unless he really wanted to stay hidden.

''Zim?'' she asked again, but still no answer.

Sighing, the purple-haired woman put down her gaming-device and walked up to the pantry. It was a known fact that this had been his favorite hiding-spot ever since she managed to crack the code to his underground-base... on her first try. Opening the pantry-door, Gaz watched as the light cast itself over a small, huddled-up figure sitting on the floor before her. The figure was short, green, had two antennas sticking out of it's head and was dressed in a red, striped uniform with black boots and gloves covering it's limbs. She was able to catch a quick glimpse of what looked to be a ruby-colored eye, briefly opening to inspect her before it quickly shut again, acting as if it hadn't seen her.

_'Yup, the love of my life...!'_ Gaz frowned to herself before bending down to sit next to the sulky-looking little creature. ''So, have you seen my GS4 or what?''

''Hmpf!'' the creature just snorted angrily, looking up from his knees only to glare at her with red-glazed, alien eyes. ''How should I know? After all, I'm so _small_ and _feeble_!''

_'Ugh! Not **this** crap again!'_ Gaz silently gagged with a roll of her eyes. ''What did Dib say _this_ time?''

''What makes you so sure it was Dib? Maybe it was _Tak_...!'' the little alien sneered as he placed his chin on his knees again, glaring out into the kitchen with a bitter pout on his face.

''Uh-huh?'' Gaz arched an eyebrow, rising from her seat. ''Well, if there's nothing you wanna talk about, then I guess I'll just-''

''WAIT!'' Zim shouted as he threw himself at her, grabbing a firm hold of her leg in a desperate attempt to prevent her from leaving.

Gaz just smiled. She knew him all too well...

* * *

Ten minutes later, Gaz found herself sitting on the living-room couch with Zim on her lap, quietly playing with his little antennas as she tried to seem interested in his ranting story about her "freakishly big-headed" brother and sister-in-law. It was more of an insult-storm than a story, really. How did he even _know_ so many insults? Also, did it have to end this way _every_ _single_ _time_ her sibling and his wife came by to visit, she wondered?

Okay, so Tak had already given up on her rivalry with Zim ages ago, along with her plans for world-domination. She just couldn't see how she would be able to juggle the responsibilities of being both a mother _and_ a tyrant at the same time. "What's the difference?" Zim had joked tastelessly at the time, earning him one final blow of hatred from his now former nemesis. Gaz had agreed that he deserved it.

These days, _Dib_ was the only one still holding up their old traditions of rivalry, seemingly making sure to get on Zim's nerves as much as possible every time they met.

''So _what_ if I've only grown _two inches_ in twelve stinking earth-years?!'' Zim growled as he slammed his fist into his palm, completely unaware of his wife's bored-beyond-death-expression. ''Zim is just... late in development! Isn't that right, Gaz?!''

''Huh? Oh, yeah, sure...!'' Gaz mumbled absently in response. ''Dib's head sure _is_ big...!''

''Um... INDEED IT IS!'' Zim declared in a mighty voice, pointing to the sky as he did. ''But... that's not what I was talking about just now.''

''Ugh...! Since when do you care about what Dib says, anyway?'' Gaz asked in a bored voice, trying her best not to fall asleep. As annoying as her brother could be at times, Gaz was well aware that their constant clashes was a two-way-road. ''Come on, Zim, you _know_ I'm no good at these kind of things! Can't you just let it go?''

''_You_ would abandon Zim in his time of need (for comfort)? _You_?!'' Zim questioned and pointed at her face, squinting his eyes at her already narrowed gaze. ''_You_?!''

Gaz sighed, letting go of his antenna as she pushed herself up from the couch-back.

''Zim, I-''

''_You_?!''

''_Zim_...!''

''_You_?!''

''Stop. That!'' Gaz growled, opening one of her eyes to stare him down. It worked... very well.

''Look, if it's that big of a deal to you...'' Gaz said she looked down on him, reluctantly reaching out with her arms to the sides as Zim just watched from her lap. ''...I'll give you... a _hug_...!''

Zim's eyes widened. A hug? Gaz barely ever gave out hugs! As far as he could recall, he had only seen her hug Dib twice - one which was really meant as a choke-hold – her Father a couple of times – she didn't really seem to mind hugs from him – and himself on occasions. Sure, things like hugs and kisses had gotten a lot more common since they got engaged, but Gaz had never really been the touchy-feely type. And for her to _initiate_ the hug – willingly – was a rare occurrence indeed.

''Are you sure?'' the Irken invader probed (don't misinterpret), giving his wife a questioning look.

''Zim, I got used to us being _us_ back in college.'' Gaz dropped her arms and looked at him. ''I _had_ to! We were engaged, remember? And you can't just marry someone you don't feel comfortable with! Now, I know I may not be the huggiest person around, but that doesn't mean I don't wanna be there for you. So...'' she raised her arms again, a strained expression dawning her face, ''...if you ever need a hug, I'll be ready!''

Zim stayed quiet, doing noting but staring at Gaz for a silent couple of second until the small alien finally let out a very small... sniff.

''I WASN'T CRYING!'' the little alien exploded in her face.

''I never said you were...!'' Gaz raised a meaning eyebrow at her hotheaded husband.

''Oh, just shut up and hold me, will you!'' Zim muttered as he finally accepted her offer, placing himself in her soft embrace and closing his eyes as he felt her arms wrapping around him, enclosing him to her chest.

He would never admit it, but being in her arms like this made him feel... safe, somehow. Not that there was ever anything to fear when he wasn't, he was the GREAT ZIM after all! But still, he couldn't really shake this undeniable feeling that there was something special about being close to Gaz like this...!

Safe... with her... at last.

* * *

**Well, I hope you liked it! Please leave a review with a cherry on top? Thanks! God bless!**


	2. Dentist

**So, I came up with this one after attending my yearly check-up. Personally, I _love_ going to the dentist, but I guess each man's his own. Or in this case: _alien_...! Enjoy!**

* * *

It wasn't a big surprise, really, the way he shivered as he lay down on the patted chair, bright light shining in his face and strange tools dangling above him. Just add a couple of chains, remove the kitty-posters and the place would make a fine torture-chamber. Gaz had never been particularly fond of the place herself to be honest, although she _did_ like the fresh feeling it left her with. That fresh, minty taste in her mouth had always been the reason she came here without complaining.

Unlike _Dib_ who had some whacked-out theory about the government placing tracer-chips in their teeth in order to keep track of them. Gaz just sneered at the idea.

Even though she thought most kids exaggerated their yearly check-up greatly, she could understand why Zim would feel uncomfortable about it. The way the man in white leaned over him and started pocking around in his mouth with sharp objects, scraping off unwanted filth and substances from his teeth; It must have seemed so strange to him, not to mention frightening.

He had always feared being revealed as an alien; To be caught, imprisoned and then experimented on. Now, Gaz hadn't seen many alien autopsy tables in her days, but if she were to take a guess she'd probably imagine they looked something like this dentist-chair, if only a bit more geeky and medicinal.

And so, here she was, sitting quietly on a tall stool next to the dentist-chair, holding Zim's gloved hand clasped in her own as she used her other hand to tap away at her game-slave 2. The green Irken was twitching wildly in his seat now, frantically struggling against the layers of duct-tape holding him down as the over-sized dentist began working on his teeth.

Muffled screams and insults kept escaping his mouth - which was currently held up by a miniature lift bar – as the oral doctor performed his work without the least bit of hesitation or concern. He seemed to be used to dealing with this kind of resistance from patients, which didn't really surprise Gaz, considering how some people in this town could be.

Other than simply sitting there and being passively supportive, there really wasn't much more Gaz could do for Zim in this current situation. A big waste of time, perhaps, but to be honest this tedious favor wasn't _all_ bad. Seeing Zim squirm around like that _was_ a pretty darn amusing thing, despite the distraction it proved to be.

_'Cry-baby...!'_ Gaz silently thought to herself as she easily defeated the third boss with only one hand, giving Zim's hand a small squeeze as the procedure slowly went on, all to the sound of the Irken invader screaming his little lungs out.

Or, you know, whatever it was that helped his breathe...!


	3. Mailman

''What do you mean "_prone to violence_"? He's not violent!''

''Oh, yeah? What's he doing right now?''

''I dunno! Hiding behind a houseplant with a military-helmet and binoculars, I think. Not sure why, though...!''

''Gaz, he's out to conquer and/or destroy this planet! Haven't you been paying attention these last couple of years?!''

''Honestly? No.''

''Ugh! Look, I'm... just worried about you, okay? I don't think he's good for you!''

''I _know_ you don't think that, Dib, but this is _my_ choice! And truth be told, there's a lot more to him that you don't see!''

''Oh, like _what_?! That deep down inside he's just a tortured soul looking for love but he doesn't know how to express himself so he chooses to cause global havoc instead?!''

''...''

''...''

''You've been watching those teenage dramas on TV again, haven't you?''

''NO! I- I mean... No!''

''Whatever! All _I_ wanna know is why I haven't gotten any mail yet! I mean, it's been like a week since I moved in! You'd think I should have gotten at least _something_ by now, right?''

''It's the post-office, Gaz! Those dictating pencil-pushers! They're putting tracers in your mail in order to-''

''Oh, will you look at that, my coffee's ready! Gotta go!''

''Wait, Gaz, no! Don't hang-''

* * *

_''There you are...!''_ Zim mused to himself as he used his binoculars to zoom in on the trespasser, taking a brief moment to adjust his human military-helmet, all the while muttering something about, _''Stinking earth-armament!''_

This was the third time this week the strange figure had appeared outside the Invader's artificial house, his subtle yet frequent actions steadily building the Irken's suspicion: Always arriving at the same time, always taking the same route and always leaving these strange messages in front of his doorstep. So far, every attempt to decode these massages had been a failure, thus, the strange man's plan was still a mystery to Zim. Still, he was confident that he would figure it out eventually. He was the great ZIM, after all!

Also, among these documents the word "bill" had been a very common occurrence for some reason. Zim figured it had to be some sort of code, he just didn't know what it was for yet...!

''_WHEEEEEE~!_'' Gir's bright voice cut like a siren in Zim's antennas, silently making him wish the android's head would spontaneously explode again.

Screaming something about cotton candy and a hippo, the cheering little robot came darting into the living-room like a flash, climbing on the furniture, sprinting up the walls and seemingly _defy gravity_ by running around in the ceiling. How he managed to do this, Zim had never been able to figure out and, honestly, it was way too annoying of an activity to really intrigue him in the first place.

''GIR! Be quiet!'' Zim commanded in a fuming scorn, causing the defective little android to stop mid-sprint, cooing dreamily as he sailed down from the ceiling and into the floor with a crash.

''I LOVE PUDDIN'!'' the metallic little misfit chirped happily as he stood there on his head, legs waving and arms flailing like a complete idiot.

''Gir, I need you to focus here! We have an intruder in our perimeter!'' Zim informed him sharply, giving the floor an angry stomp with his boot.

''Intruder alert!'' Gir shouted and saluted, briefly switching to his _serious mode_... while still on his head.

''But it's so strange, I cannot recall ever encountering this filthy spleech before!'' Zim puzzled thoughtfully as he turned to gaze out the window again, his alien eyes scanning the strange man closing in on his house. ''Must be a new form of espionage...! Like hiding in plain sight!''

''_Yay!_ Plane!'' Gir cheered along in oblivious misunderstanding, resuming his wild running as he began imitating an airplane. _''Brrrrrrt! Brrrrt!''_

''Hah! These filthy humans are even dumber than I thought!'' Zim just raised his chin a dismissive gesture, too full of himself to care about his squealing sidekick. ''Such simple tricks will not work on the great ZIM~! I will destroy this lowly spy before he can learn anything about my mission! _Mwo-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha~!_''

''What's so funny?'' a new voice suddenly joined the conversation, cutting Zim's evil laughter short as he turned to face this new-arrival. ''And what's up with the helmet?''

''Ah, Gaz!'' Zim grinned in acknowledgment as he watched his tall girlfriend come walking out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee in her hand. ''I have just identified an intruder on our property, but do not WORRY~, I will have him eradicated from the face of this planet before he can threaten my beloved love-pig!''

''You mean the mailman?'' Gaz asked in her trademark rasp as she joined her miniature boyfriend by the window.

''Huh?'' Zim turned to look out the window as well. ''You know of this recon-drone?''

''He's not a spy, Zim.'' Gaz explained calmly as she raised her cup to take a sip of coffee. ''He's just some guy who gets paid to deliver people's mail.''

''Mail?'' Zim had to raise a questioning eyebrow again.

''Yeah, you know, like; letters, bills, postcards, newspapers-''

''AHA!'' Zim's triumphant voice interrupted her listing, looking like he had just solved a murder-case. ''I _knew_ he was a tricky one! He's been in cahoots with those bicycling _plagues_ for years now!''

''What plagues?'' Gaz asked, silently questioning wether or not she really wanted to know.

''Why, the _paperboys_, of course!'' Zim declared as he shook his fist in anger. ''For far too long have these meddling fools been sending paper-based projectiles at my base! BUT NO MORE!''

''Oh, _yeah~_!'' Gaz cooed in silent realization. ''I _thought_ I heard something about paperboys disappearing around this part of town...! That was you?''

''Indeed!'' Zim smiled proudly, hands on his hips and chest pushed out. ''I kidnapped them all and shipped them to the most horrible place of torture this filthy planet has to offer!''

_''Mhm...?''_ Gaz hummed absently as she took another hot sip of coffee, not really interested in his story or his maniacal antics.

''The bath-house!'' the water-sensitive Invader declared dramatically, letting his sinister laugh fill the air once again.

Vioent? Yes. Dangerous? Questionable. Gaz was confident with her choice! This "Invader Zim" might not have be the nicest of people, but at the very least he was manageable. At least to her. As for _romance_... it was something she would have to work on.


End file.
